Imposter Syndrome

 What is Imposter Syndrome.  Wikipedia defines it as "a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments or talents and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud".  I wouldn't say that this is something I experienced until more recently in my career.  Although I suffered from having less than ideal confidence in myself, I never doubted that I should not be doing what I was doing.  As my veterinary career path became more specialized, however, Imposter Syndrome started to creep in to my head every so often.

So why I am I bringing this up.  I did something for the first time last night.  I had the opportunity to do a webinar on senior rehab and integrative medicine thanks to Hills and the VET continuing education platform.  Over my years as a vet I have pushed myself many times out of my comfort zone including teaching veterinarians about acupuncture, and speaking in front of people.  I frequently look at the friends I have, and the opportunities I have and am so incredibly grateful.  Have I worked hard.  Yes.  Do I think I deserve it.  Yes.  But there is always a part of me that says...wow....I am not like these people.  They are smart.  So smart.  They have so much more experience and education than myself.  They speak internationally....etc etc.  

Why did this particular engagement elicit these reactions of nausea and heart palpitations along side some severe imposter syndrome?  I was able to see the names of those logging on to the webinar.  Some were names of individuals that I have looked up to and admired from afar and felt enormous pressure to not only impress them but to not disappoint them.  The fear of comments like "wow this girl does not know what she is talking about" or "who the heck is this chick" echoed in my head as they introduced me as a speaker.  

I spoke to my father about this afterwards and he had never heard of the term.  His opinion was that being nervous, and having some stress is not a concern.  He experienced the same thing when he had to present papers in front of large amounts of colleagues as well.  It is normal.  He also said although he felt imposter syndrome is not something I should worry about and he is very proud of what I accomplished (despite taking a few years to acknowledge that I am no longer a "real" vet).  My favorite comment from him was that having a degree of humility is not a bad thing.  Humility prevents you from becoming, for lack of a better term, "a complete pompous asshole" LOL.

I think some of the best vets I have met coming through my practice, working on their CCRP, or finishing their acupuncture certification, have had a fair amount of insecurity and even some Imposter Syndrome.  Is this a typical vet personality trait, or is this something that after years of questioning from clients, staff, or bosses that you start to question yourself? 

I know I am not alone.  This is not a veterinary industry only phenomenon.  Maybe you don't feel that you are the one to be teaching or sharing your knowledge especially if it is different from some of the experts.  My advice.....to myself as well as to others.....is know what you know. Own it. Know what you are good at and why.  Why do those colleagues who you look up to come to you for advice?  Maybe you have a different way of looking at a situation and they value that.  Try to think about what it is that makes you successful.  I will never claim to be a board certified individual when I am not.  I know when there is a case that I need to get another opinion on.  

Will I continue to do these speaking engagements?  Absolutely.  Why will I continue to do these speaking engagements?  Because there are a lot of "me's" in general practice who have not taken the courses I have taken.  The knowledge I do have can still benefit them.  I hope to inspire those who may lack inspiration, educate those who are willing to learn new things, and continue to learn from and collaborate with those who have mentored me in the past and who I will continue to admire for all that they accomplish.   I hope all of you inspire each other, and learn that by pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone, this is how you continue to grow, improve, and find your place and your people.


NEXT STOP:  OAVT Virtual Road Show, October 23, 12 to 1 pm



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